Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
