So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
