I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
