all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
