i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
