fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
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When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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