I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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