people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
