That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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