people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
