capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
