im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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