He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
