So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
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I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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