If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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