One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
