Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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