People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
