I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
