I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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