I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
