Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
