In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
