All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
