Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
