i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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