One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
