My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
