Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
