Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
