i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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