I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
