I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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