my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
