She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
