he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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