When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
