Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
bring money and cleavage
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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