I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
