I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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