Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
