I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
