I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
