: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
