You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
