Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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