I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
