it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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