One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
