just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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