I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
