Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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