Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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