I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
