You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
