omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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