I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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