We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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