hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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