im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
