I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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