I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
