I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
