I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
