i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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