At least make sure they are 18
Why
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
