Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
