five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize