That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
