Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How does it feel to date your dad?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
