yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
