Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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