Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
