imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm like, not good at living.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
